Intellidick.com - Pure Insanity

So there I am, trying to get some sleep. But no, it’s 2:30AM and I can’t sleep at all. I skipped dinner and now i’m paying for it. There will be no sleep for me until I get some food.

I throw on some form of clothing, hop into the Evo and head out. Stop in at the bank for some funds and i’m ready to dine. But what am I going to eat? Is there even anything open out here? How far am I going to have to drive to get something?

And then I saw it… WHITE CASTLE! Oh yeah, open 24 hours a day and just waiting for me to get there. I see the glowing sign amongst the hoardes of closed restaurants, I know this is my only choice. Oh well, here goes.

A 10 pack? Nope, too much. A 4 pack? Still too much. Ah ha! The #2 combo… 2 double cheeseburgers, fries, and a coke. That’ll do it. I pull up to the speaker only to be greeted by the friendliest attendant ever. It must be really boring at White Castle at night. There’s a girl inside just staring at me, like she’s never seen another human being. Wow. I have hit rock bottom.

Now i’m at the window, no stopping now. I’m absolutely STARVING at this point, i’d eat the scrapings from the bottom of the fryer at this point. The friendly attendant greets me, takes my money and returns my change. He then goes away and comes back with a coke. Mmmmm… not that I need caffeine at 2:30AM but I know it’s for washing down those delicious sliders that are coming my way. After a few minutes, the attendant returns with my food and thanks me for “stopping by”. (Like I had a choice at this hour!)

Wow. This smells fantastic! My whole car smells of the legendary White Castle burger. I’m driving like a madman to get home so I can tear these things apart. I’m actually excited about eating this stuff!

Ahhhhh… back at home. Finally! I rush in the door, flop down on the couch and tear into the bag. Okay, let’s be logical here… fries first… I immediately start shovelling fries into my mouth like someone who hasn’t eaten in weeks. 5-6 at a time. I can’t even taste them. I don’t even notice they’re barely warm and extremely doughy. Who cares? I’m so hungry and this is food. The whole box of fries is gone in about 45 seconds. I didn’t eat those, I inhaled those.

Now it’s time for the sliders. That smell is really getting to me now. These have GOT to be better than the fries? I mean, who goes to WC for fries? No no no, it’s the burgers, that’s why I went there. And man do they smell good. First bite… ARF! I almost gagged. Wow, it’s been a long time since i’ve eaten one of these. I forgot what a strange taste these things are. They really caught me off guard. But again, who cares? I’m so hungry i’d eat the maggots off of a dead animal. (And i’m not entirely sure that these burgers weren’t made of that)

So anyway, long story short. Just say no. STOCK FOOD IN YOUR HOME. 2:30AM dinner runs are BAD.

I think i’m going to go vomit.